*shuffles feet awkwardly* Um, hey. For those of you still around to read this, I'm sorry I haven't been on the past few months. A /lot/ has happened. Too much, to be honest. 2014 was the absolute worst year of my life, but it's also been a productive year. But the bad out-weighed the good and has made me lose sight of the things I should be thankful for. :/
I nearly rolled my grandmother's jeep due to black ice.
My uncle gets blind sided by his addiction to alcohol.
Valentine's Day morning - My grandfather get's rushed to the hospital for congestive heart failure.
Valentine's Day afternoon - My boyfriend ditches our plans. As if I should be surprised..
March 3rd. A dear friend of mine passed away in a terrible, terrible car accident.
My boyfriend moves away.
My boyfriend and I break up for four days for the first time in our four year relationship.
My mom receives a call from the hospital after a yearly mammogram testing to "discuss questioning results".
I get a new car, thanks to my mom and my Grandfather.
My mom has been diagnosed with breast cancer.
I injure myself at the gym. *high fives self*
I really enjoyed my birthday.
Mom has surgery.
My grandpa is sick. More than usual.
I start what will soon to be a very stressful semester.
I get a job.
Boyfriend is "unhappy" but soon recovers. So he says.
Mom has second surgery.
Too many panic attacks.
I really enjoyed our biology class field trips.
I tested positive for the genetic mutation "BRCA 1" which gives me a 90% chance of developing either breast, ovarian, pancreatic, or colon cancer at some point in my life. From now on, my yearly schedule will be laced with hospital visits and frequent screenings.
Yearly visit to Mall of America.
Day before Thanksgiving: Grandpa is diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer.
School semester ends.
I fail my bio-organic chemistry class.
5 days before Christmas: Boyfriend confesses he's lied for months about being happy with me and says he no longer wants me. There are many other reasons to why this completely broke me, but yeah. "Don't drown for someone who won't even get in the damn water for you."
Grandpa makes it to Christmas. Though he isn't awake for much of the day. But I don't care. We got to enjoy the day.
December 30th. Mom's Birthday, cancer free.
December 30th. 12:30 am. My grandfather passes away in the night. R.I.P. Grandpa.. there are no words strong enough to express how much we all miss you.
So.. yeah. 2015 didn't start out that great. I spent new years eve/day in bed crying and Jan. 2nd at my Grandpa's funeral. In a nut shell, I'm not okay. I don't want help, I know I can get through this on my own. But until then, I just need time. I don't know how much. But I probably won't be posting until spring/summer. I'll still hang out from time to time.. but, no posts. Not that my posts were something to be expected. Or wanted, really
I wish I were stronger. Maybe then this would all be easier..